THOTful: Respectability Politics and “Spiritual” Folks

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As I mention here, I get asked quite often, “Where have you been?

Deciding to come out of the closet was not an easy one.

I’ve thought long and hard about what to share and what not to share.

Ultimately, I decided to share more than most would for several reasons:

  1. I don’t want anyone else telling my story.
  2. If it weren’t for the women before me who have detailed their experiences (and weren’t just vague about things), I may have gone crazy.
  3. Being on the other side of 40 you REALLY stop caring what folks think.
  4. One day it dawned on me that many Black women and girls are being diagnosed with anxiety and depression (and yes, also feeling “depressed”) because they rarely (if ever) see anyone who looks like them talk about the things many of us are feeling.

And #4 is what I want to take this time to talk about.

I wouldn’t have made it this far if not for:

  1. a dear friend who introduced me into a small and private circle of women like-minded women (who have gone through the similar things);
  2. my mom, my sister and the women in our family before them (my Wild Women inspirations – those who TAUGHT me);
  3. the work I’ve done over the last ten years with CHN and ABPSi;
  4. my travels (and the people I’ve met along the way);
  5. finding a solid and diverse group of Brujas and Mystics; and
  6. being born into a blessed, lucky and protected lineage.

I’ve also experienced loss, betrayals, setbacks, etc. but also know that I’ve had a rather “charmed” life.

Because of the life I’ve had, I feel some kind of obligation/responsibility to be there for women who have not had the support I have.

Being there means different things to different people. For me that means being authentic and as transparent as possible (while passionately practicing self-care).

It means being real!

So if you’re here to comment or judge:

  1. what I share;
  2. how I share;
  3. how much i share;
  4. what I believe to be true about MY stories/experiences;
  5. how and why things happened to me in MY stories/experiences; and/or
  6. the amount of detail I go into,

Leave now to start your own blog!

If you decide to stay and learn more about me because some things I share resonate with you, please remember that my experiences are my experiences and not yours to follow step-by-step.

I make it a rule to never blindly follow anyone/anything, ESPECIALLY on this fascinating and wild ass journey. I incorporate what FEELS right and throw the rest away, then rinse and repeat. I hope you do the same. Our paths are different so what worked for me, may not work for you.

Last but not least…

I want to show Sisters that there are women who look and talk like them going through the same “weird” things. I don’t know about you but I’ve seen enough of the new age wild (White) women.

I’ve seen enough of the Sisters who have the enlightened spiritual look (y’all know what I’m talking about so no need to go into details  — and yes, I can comment on it because I’ve been at all ends of the spectrum).

I’m tired of women being told that they need to act and behave a certain way before their experiences and KNOWING are taken seriously – That they need to be a part of <insert> religion, practice <insert> spirituality, be ordained, get initiated, etc. for validation.

Sis – Don’t let anyone lie to you. You can be THOTful and more tapped in than they will.

Never be afraid to figuring out what FEELS right for you. Many of us are only who we are (as it relates to religion and spiritual practice) because of the homes and communities we grew up in. Very few have taken time to search within first – and ran from one thing right into another.

Don’t be fooled into believing that the matrix only exist in the physical world — It also exist in the religious/spiritual worlds too.

But again, this is just MY opinion…


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